Of all the 12 steps, Step 9 is often referred to as particularly challenging. Understanding why will require taking a closer look at what Step 9 is, its goals, and its possible outcomes. We’ll also include a Step 9 amends letter for anyone who wants to implement this step but isn’t sure how to.
Guilt and Grief: Making A Living Amends
Along with reinforcing new behaviors and outlooks, making amends can also reduce stress. Many who lived with addiction have past behaviors they’re not proud of. By proactively correcting living amends previous mistakes, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a relapse. For many who lived in addiction, apologizing was a regular habit.
My Sober Birthday: We Wrote A Book About It
What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created? Sometimes direct amends are not possible, and this is where living amends come into play. A big part of working the 12-Step Program is making amends. Unfortunately, after you get sober, all the hurt and destruction you caused in the wake of your addiction doesn’t just go away. You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships.
To understand what living amends are is to understand the concept behind amends in a 12 step program.
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery. In the 12-step program, making amends to people you have harmed is one of the steps. Part of the practice of karma yoga is about right actions and dealing ethically with others, and it includes trying to right the wrongs we have done. https://ecosoberhouse.com/ is a third option for those in the ninth step of recovery.
These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps. Another example would be of a person who’s been a taker all their lives suddenly decides they no longer want to be self-centered and selfish. They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others. Living amends, in this event, can include making changes to the behaviors contributing to the falling out between the survivor and the person they owed an apology to. For example, let’s say a mother didn’t make an effort to escort her children to the school bus stop. One of her children is killed crossing the street on their own even after telling their mother that they were afraid to cross the busy street alone.
Trust God. Clean House. Help Others.Living Amends
I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions. Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand. It can be tempting to say things like “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you,” but try to avoid these blanket statements. They miss the opportunity to be truly reflective about how your wrongdoings have impacted the other person and can be misread.
Changes in personal behaviors
- Similarly, making living amends means you completely change the way you live and remain committed to that lifestyle.
- To make amends, you must do more than just make apologies for your past behavior.
- Many people find that the support they receive from AA meetings helps them prepare to make amends.
- But, as difficult as it is, completing this step can provide an immense sense of relief and newfound hope for the future.
- To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way.
- We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service of an actual attorney.
- Sometimes, making direct amends with someone may lead to further harm.
- If so, then you should avoid approaching that individual.
- If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done.
